The room was crowded with family. There was a buzz of conversation and laughter. A half eaten birthday cake for my great-aunt who turned 84 today was on the small table. And across the room, in a hospital bed was my Nanamaw. She looked beautiful with her white hair fixed perfectly and her flowered gown peeking out from under her covers. She smiled and talked with everyone around her but she kept it brief and looked very tired.

And then I did the hardest thing I have ever done. I went to her bedside and told her good-bye for the last time. I choked up but I got my words out somehow. I told her how much I loved her. She told me to only remember the good memories and to hold on to those. I told her I only had good memories and that is what I cherished most. I told her I was happy for her that she was going to a better place and to hug my Papaw for me. I told her that I was happy that I really wasn't saying goodbye and that I would see her again and to be waiting to hug me when I got there. She told me she was proud of Dean and what a good job I was doing raising him. I told her it was because I had such a good example of what a parent should be like. We hugged, I kissed her cheek and then I turned to say goodbye to the family, already missing her dearly.

I have learned so many things from that precious lady. And even as she sat in the bed, surrounded by people, she countinued to teach me how to be gracious, kind, and considerte. She was always positive. Always looked for the good in someone. Always ready to read me a book or scratch my back or make me feel important. She called people by name. Made you feel welcome in her home even if you just met. And could cook up a Christmas dinner like you wouldn't believe. She showed me how to fry okra, make peanut brittle in the microwave, and how to heat the oil in the skillet to make the cornbread crispy.

As I type this post, I am sitting alone in her living room. Her "corner" is empty but I am not. I am full of the lessons and the skills she has taught me. I am full. My heart is content that I had the chance to say what I needed, hear what I needed and hug one of the greatest ladies I have known one more time. I am deeply sad, but I am content.

This is the song that Nanamaw loved to sing to her great-grandkids.


I Washed My Hands This Morning
J. H. Rosecrans

I washed my hands this morning
O very clean and white
And lent them both to Jesus
To work for Him till night

Little feet, be careful
Where you take me to
Anything for Jesus
Only let me do

I told my ears to listen
Quite closely all day through
For any act of kindness
Such little hands can do

My eyes are set to watch them
About their work or play
To keep them out of mischief
For Jesus' sake all day

Our family got the sad news that my Nanamaw was ceasing her dialysis so we made a rushed trip to Lubbock to say good-bye. It was a very emotional trip but we were so thankful for the opportunity to share some final words. She was the most welcoming person I know. Dean loved going to her house and visiting with her. She sang him a song called, "I Washed My Hands This Morning". She made him his special yellow blankies, a big one and a "baby" one! She taught me how to always look for the good in people. She was amazing and will be dearly missed.


Nanamaw's oldest son, my dad (Papa D) and four of Nanamaw's eight great-grandkids. They are sitting in her chair in her living room.


Nanamaw (very swollen from not having dialysis), me and my three sisters




The great-grandkids picking up pecans in the backyard. Nanamaw took good care of her pecan trees and always had tons of pecans.



The road trip to Lubbock. We are eating at Pete's burger place in Lubbock on the way in to town.