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The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done...

Jessica Rolf Filed Under:
The room was crowded with family. There was a buzz of conversation and laughter. A half eaten birthday cake for my great-aunt who turned 84 today was on the small table. And across the room, in a hospital bed was my Nanamaw. She looked beautiful with her white hair fixed perfectly and her flowered gown peeking out from under her covers. She smiled and talked with everyone around her but she kept it brief and looked very tired.

And then I did the hardest thing I have ever done. I went to her bedside and told her good-bye for the last time. I choked up but I got my words out somehow. I told her how much I loved her. She told me to only remember the good memories and to hold on to those. I told her I only had good memories and that is what I cherished most. I told her I was happy for her that she was going to a better place and to hug my Papaw for me. I told her that I was happy that I really wasn't saying goodbye and that I would see her again and to be waiting to hug me when I got there. She told me she was proud of Dean and what a good job I was doing raising him. I told her it was because I had such a good example of what a parent should be like. We hugged, I kissed her cheek and then I turned to say goodbye to the family, already missing her dearly.

I have learned so many things from that precious lady. And even as she sat in the bed, surrounded by people, she countinued to teach me how to be gracious, kind, and considerte. She was always positive. Always looked for the good in someone. Always ready to read me a book or scratch my back or make me feel important. She called people by name. Made you feel welcome in her home even if you just met. And could cook up a Christmas dinner like you wouldn't believe. She showed me how to fry okra, make peanut brittle in the microwave, and how to heat the oil in the skillet to make the cornbread crispy.

As I type this post, I am sitting alone in her living room. Her "corner" is empty but I am not. I am full of the lessons and the skills she has taught me. I am full. My heart is content that I had the chance to say what I needed, hear what I needed and hug one of the greatest ladies I have known one more time. I am deeply sad, but I am content.

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1 Response to "The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done..."

  1. Jennifer Ferguson Says:
  2. Well, I am crying in my bed as I read this! GREAT post and what an awesome lady your Grandmother was!
    The older I get the more I realize not everyone is lucky to have such wonderfuly grandparents!
    Thanks for sharing your sweet blog with us.

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