So I've been tinkering around with some new time lapse video techniques and came up with this today. I was offloading and organizing all of our photos over the last 16 months and had an idea to throw them all into a time lapse video. It was a hair brained experiment (like most of mine are), but I think it turned out pretty cool! The film has 2770 photos ranging from Sept. 2008 - Dec. 2009.

Quick portrait video I shot on Christmas day of Dean, Drew, and all the cousins.
-John-

Christmas Morning!

-John-

Drew is home! He spent his last night in the hospital and we brought him home around noon today. He is doing great. Dean was so proud of him and wanted to hold him as soon as we got home. He also ran straight for the elephant that he got for Drew and helped him open it. Drew gave Dean a little suitcase with a motorcycle on it. Dean has been packing his toys up all afternoon and taking trips to the office. It is so cute watching him.

Well, during the night Drew moved upstairs to the regular nursery. He doesn't need the detailed care of the NICU anymore and I think they were just out of room in there. He is still on the monitors but hasn't had any more apneas and we are still set to bring him home TOMORROW!!

Sorry so late with this update. I've officially dubbed this day "Meltdown Day" for myself. Somehow the hormones and lack of sleep collided in a major cryfest this afternoon. Imagine that.

Well, Day 10 was the day that Dean got to go home from the NICU and that isn't going to happen for Drew. But he is doing so well that I am really praying it will be this coming week sometime. He made it through the night in the open crib and is doing great maintaining his temperature! Yeah!!

Well, we are still working on the open crib/maintaining temperature today. I'm not sure what happened last night. He was on his way to the open crib and then this morning was still in the isolette and the nurse had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned the open crib! So after we came back for the 12:00 feeding, she said she had talked to the charge nurse and was once again working down the isolette temp in order to get him to the open crib. It is like every day is a new day and a shift change for the nurses means we start from scratch! So, hopefully by the time we go back at 6 today, he will be in the crib.

Wow. The days are really running together. I'm not sure if I am coming or going most times! All I know is that I am washing my hands A LOT and getting to love on a tiny boy sometimes and a big boy other times. We are blessed with two sweet boys!

Drew had an awesome feeding this morning. It was the best one yet. He was really hungry and alert and ate like a champ! Somebody bring that kid some State Fair Fried Butter cause he's ready! It really encouraged me though because his last feeding with me yesterday was a bit rough. The monitor went off 3 times and we couldn't figure out why. So it was distracting and frustrating for all of us.

Today you get bullet points because I'm tired!

Drew is really doing great with his feedings. He is nursing well and taking his bottle well at night so mommy can stay home and rest!

We have seen Drew two times this morning. He is free from the IV now. He still has it in his arm but not hooked up to the drip and hopefully they will take the part in his arm out soon.

Sorry I'm late posting this! Drew had a wonderful Day 3! John and I both got to feed him a bottle. He is finishing his bottle every time so they keep increasing the amount and at the same time decreasing his IV drip. He should be off of the IV entirely by the end of the day today.

The nurse was really encouraging this morning and told me we might be sent home before the Tuesday "Dismissal' class. They are actually treating us like competant parents this time! She said we probably don't even need the basics class this time since we obviously know what we are doing and have dealt with a preemie before. (She didn't even make us demonstrate how to use the bulb syringe, like they did with Dean.)

After 9 days in the hospital, they discharged me around noon today. It is so nice to be at home. My mom is staying with us this week to help with keeping Dean while we run up to the hospital every three hours. I know that will be a huge help and I am thankful for her.

This cheered me up and thought you would enjoy it too!

I promise, pictures are coming!! My photographer has taken Dean home for the night so he will have to post them after bedtime. I am still at the hospital but get to go home tomorrow. Boy am I ready to sleep in my own bed! But it will be really hard to leave Drew here in the NICU.

He has done amazing today! He is actually eating from a bottle! I'm tearing up just thinking about it because it is a pretty big deal. Him not having a feeding tube is major progress. He hasn't had to get one yet since they just started feeding him today, but they were surprised as much as we were that he could take a bottle.

He started struggling a bit with his temperature and had to go into the the little glass cube bed (the one with the windows in the side for your arms). But at his last "touch time", the nurse said she was going to try to get him moved to the less critical part of the NICU. She said he is doing so great and doesn't need the the nurses attention as much as some of the other babies.

I asked her when they said that he was "older" than they thought, what that meant. She said the doctor said he was probably closer to 36 weeks by the way he is acting! We saw the Dr. this morning and he acted like maybe we had our due date wrong. I know for a fact that it isn't wrong but they can assume what they want!

The Power of Prayer:

This morning I was totally surprised to walk in the NICU and find Drew in an open bin! He is still hooked up to his IV and monitors, but he is already maintaining his own body temperature so he doesn't have to be under the heater anymore. He is now in the same type bin that they put regular babies in. What a big boy! They had also dressed him in a tiny little preemie outfit that said "sleep is for the weak" and he was sporting a lime green hand crocheted hat.

I got to hold him for about 45 minutes and change his dirty diaper. He is a really good baby. The nurses said he has only cried when they wake him up (which make sense because they only wake them up to poke or prick them!). He opened his eyes for a long time when we visited him last night. He finally looked tired so we left. The nurses said after we left that he was wide awake again and they had fun talking to him while he looked at all the lights above his crib. He's already a hit with the ladies! ha!

Something we have heard them say several times is "he is showing up OLDER in all our test than he actually is". The nurses really bragged on how well he is doing. We know why!

Drew Johnston Rolf is here!
Drew means "warrior" and Johnston is "son of John".

He was born at 11:12 this morning. He is 4 lbs 11 oz. He is breathing on his own and doing great. Mom and Dad are exhausted from a night of no sleep but we are happy that this little miracle is finally here!

He will probably stay in the NICU for three weeks unless they decide to send him home early. He has already surprised us with being so healthy for a 32 week 6 day old little guy and we expect him to keep doing great and get to come home early!

Still here in hospital-land! Everything is looking great. The nurses keep saying "that's a good looking baby!" when I am on the monitor. His heartbeat is healthy and strong. I feel like my post are the "same old thing" now with nothing changing, BUT it is a big deal that things are staying steady!

I have been blessed by all my visitors and friends doing such kind things for me. God is really showing me how much He cares about the little things through all the support. So many of you have sent emails and texts and messages and even visited and it is always just what I need when I need it. It is really keeping me sane. We appreciate your prayers and love SO MUCH. You guys are carrying us through this stressful time.

First thing this morning, they wheeled me down to the neonatologist's office. They did an ultrasound to measure the baby, and check the fluid level. Little Rolf looked so cute and happy in there! His heartbeat is steady and strong.

Here are two amazing things specifically:
1. The fluid level was NORMAL. I am no longer leaking fluid so this could potentially stay constant.
2. The baby measured at about 4 lbs 15 oz. This is exactly a pound MORE than what they told us on Friday!

So awesome news this morning. We are praising God for His goodness! I will remain at the hospital until they induce me. He said it will be around the 34 week mark, which is October 10th, but not necessarily that exact day.

Update: Scheduled to induce me on Friday, October 9th.

I finally got to see my doctor, yeah! He said that I will be here for two weeks and then they will induce. If I develop an infection or the baby gets distressed before then, they will go ahead and deliver as well.

So...we are in it for the long haul...at least two more weeks. We will be meeting with staff from the NICU at some point. They will explain what will happen with the little guy once he arrives. More than likely, he will have to stay awhile as well. So keep praying for our sanity and for this little guy to grow strong!

It's Sunday morning! They have unhooked me from all monitors, taken out my IV and have moved me to a room upstairs on the recovery floor. This is probably where I will be living until my labor starts. I am on "bed rest with bathroom privileges". Sounds fun, right?! The room is smaller BUT the bed is much more comfy and there is nothing beeping in my ears and no wires/straps attached to my fingers, wrists, stomach. I think I might actually get to "rest" in this room!

They will monitor the baby twice a day and make sure he is doing fine. We are happy that he is getting some more time to grow but we are a little freaked out by the whole backwards sequence of events! I had NO IDEA you could just hang out for weeks after your water broke.

We haven't talked to the doctor or anything so all this info is coming from the nurses. I think my doctor will be back in town tomorrow. So maybe the baby was just waiting for him to get here?!

Thanks for keeping up with our journey and praying for this little guy! Wondering when we will get to meet him...!

The doctor just came in and checked me. This is the first time he has done that as they don't want to cause any infections. He said that I am really not dilated or effaced much and they baby hasn't descended down very far. So he doesn't want to try to progress the labor at this time. He wants to just wait and give the baby more time.

Good news: Baby gets more time! I got to eat REAL FOOD! I'm catching up on some reading!
Bad news: This bed isn't very comfy.

Just talked with the doctor on call. Here is the plan in one word: WAIT

I was probably in labor and all I could think about was getting the spots out of the living room carpet. Our Friday Family day started with a trip to the donut shop. Followed by a quick stop at the Dr.'s office to get a second steroid shot for the baby's lungs (just in case I went into labor early). As I walked out the door, my doctor said to make sure I didn't have the baby this weekend because he would be out of town. No problem! I am just going home to rest...right after a quick stop in Walmart of course! I had to do something about those spots!

Good morning! We are on hour 13 of our journey with little Rolf. Contractions intensified in the night and then tapered off. Sleep didn't really happen for me but John sawed some logs in the awesome chair/bed beside me!

Baby update: Water broke around 5:30. At hospital now. No heavy contractions yet. Probably going to be a long one. He's 8 wks early so pray.

Well...it has begun. I went to the Dr. yesterday. They did another fetal fibronectin test, and I won't get the results back from that until Monday. However, the doctor checked my cervix and I am dilated to a 1 1/2. After discovering this, he decided to give me a steroid shot that will help develop the baby's lungs. I went back this morning for a second and final steroid shot. This will hopefully give those lungs a little power kick in case this baby boy decides to join us soon!

So, being dilated could indicate a lot or a little...it is different for everyone and we are not sure what it means for me. I will be 32 weeks tomorrow. (Dean was born at 33 weeks, weighing 5 lbs 8 oz and stayed in the NICU for 10 days.) My doctor kept asking me if I was having contractions. I didn't think I was and he said maybe I am just one of those people that don't feel them...hmmmm...THAT would be nice! After everything that happened yesterday, I started noticing contractions last night. But they aren't hard or long, basically something that I ignore apparently. This morning I have felt a little crampy and I am definitely having some hormone surges (poor John and poor Dean!). It all seems to be falling in to place and pointing towards the start of labor.

The doctor didn't give me any restrictions or anything. He just told me to try to rest and relax as much as possible. Oh, and he also said don't have the little guy this weekend because he will be out of town! Thankfully it is the weekend and John is home! We are busy getting all the final baby things arranged and ready. At least we are much more prepared with this one than we were with Dean! We have a car seat this time and a few diapers!

Please pray that this sweet boy will arrive with strong lungs and no complications. We know he will be here in God's timing and so we wait....

I got to do the "big" glucose test today. It was the really fun one. I had to fast starting at midnight last night. I was tempted to eat a Thanksgiving-like feast about 11:55 PM but refrained (Not because it didn't sound good, but because it would have caused some major heartburn and I decided to go with the lesser of two evils: hunger). I got up early and rushed into the lab to get my blood drawn first thing (STICK #1). Then the nurse drawing my blood, who was missing about 50% of her teeth, handed me a cold orange drink and said to finish it in "lesth than five minuths". This was no mild gatoraid flavored water, this was pure sno-cone syrup in a bottle. I could almost chew the sugar crystals. So it really came as no surprise to me that I started feeling a little queasy a few minutes after chugging the entire eight ounces but I forced myself to keep it down because there was no way that I was going to drink it again.

After I finished, the clock started and I had to report back in one hour to get my blood drawn again. In the meantime, I went downstairs to see my doctor. I got my regular shot (STICK #2) and they also did a test to see if I might have a protein present that indicates labor may start soon, checked the babies heartbeat, and checked my cervix. Everything was great and I'm not looking like I will deliver in the next week. So, I headed back upstairs for STICK #3, watched a movie that John sweetly downloaded for me last night, reported to Need-Some-Teeth for STICK #4 a hour later, then finished out my movie before STICK #5 concluded my morning at the doctor's office.

By the time I got home, the pure sugar/no eating/loss of blood combination had totally wiped me out. I scarfed some Chick-fil-A (my treat for enduring the needles!) and crawled into bed. What a day. This baby boy is worth every little jab I took today though! I can't wait to see his sweet face soon.

Dean was so excited about starting school. He wanted to stand at the front door and wait for John to get ready. I took his picture and then he realized that he wasn't holding his lunch box. So he grabbed his lunch box and told me to take another picture! What a big boy...and BOSSY too.

He loved his teachers and really enjoyed his first day. The night before he prayed for his classmates (or at least the ones he remembered from last year) and his teachers. I am so glad that he loves school!

Dean got up from nap with a new look! He then came downstairs and wanted to put on my headband. Daddy grabbed the camera and interviewed him about what was going on.
Does anyone else think he somewhat resembles a tiny Richard Simmons?
Also, please inform us if you know what to do with a "hair close-in-ner".

It was just a $2 movie and Dean got in for free. So we went. We stood in the unmoving concession line for over 10 minutes (yeah, I timed it!). The place reeked of dirty socks. And the credit card machine wasn't working right. But it was only $2, right?!

When we finally got into the theater the movie had started. Dean couldn't see by sitting in his own seat and all the boosters were taken so he sat in John's lap. From the beginning he was totally engrossed as he munched on his popcorn and sipped his Sprite (aka "burnin' stuff). I cried...not because my little boy was watching his first movie in the theater, but because the movie was SAD! It was Disney/Pixar's UP and much like my first movie experience in the theater (Bambi), there are some sad parts. But it was a great movie and Dean didn't pick up on the sad stuff.

It was a fun time. On the way home Dean said, "Tank you fir takin' me to the big TV. I like it." He kept talking about it the rest of the night as well so I know he really enjoyed it. We were proud of him for sitting through a whole movie. We have never even tried to watch a movie at home with him so we weren't sure what to expect. Not a bad attention span for a 2 1/2 year old!

"Dares a spider!" he said as he ran towards me. I was on the couch and quickly readied myself to dive for a tissue and dispose of the intruder. But Dean was pointing to the middle of the room and all I saw was beige carpet. Soon the spider was appearing everywhere, from my face to the inside of his sippy cup. Hmmm.... The spider kept getting bigger and more aggressive apparently. Dean was getting more and more worked up over this invisible spider. So I did what I always do, I tried to give him a reasonable explanation about spiders; how they are God's creatures, they are afraid of us, they are very interesting, have eight legs, can be helpful for catching other bugs, and any other positive trait I could possibly remember about spiders. None of my interesting facts made a difference to Dean, however. He just wanted that spider to disappear...a difficult task for a non-existent spider. My mommy brain kicked in after I drained all my logical resources. I simply told him, "Spiders don't live in our house, only people are allowed to live in our house. So you tell that spider to get outside!". We laughed, he practiced his spider-bouncer speech and the spider seemed to be forgotten for a little while.

Little did I know, the spider hadn't "moved out", he had only detoured up the stairs to make his home. I discovered this as we were getting Dean ready for bed and the spider talk started up again. Dean was following along behind me to the bathroom when I heard his tiny voice say, "Hey Spider! God loves you spider, but I don't have to!". And that was the end of the spider.

The Good: They did an ultrasound today. Our baby boy was so cute! He had his hand up by his nose and looked happy and content. He is weighing over 3 lbs already. The technician said that everything looks great and that my cervix is long (as opposed to short and ready for delivery). The baby is breach right now but still has plenty of time and room to turn. So we are still on track and not planning on him arriving anytime soon.

The Bad: I failed the glucose test...by TWO POINTS!!! I'm a really good test taker and was totally shocked by this result. What does this mean? Well, it means that I get to go in next week after fasting all morning, get my blood drawn, drink an extra sugary drink, and sit in the doctors office all morning getting my blood drawn every hour for three hours. All to prove that the first test was wrong and I don't really have gestational diabetes. Anyone have a portable dvd player I can borrow or a good book?!

One of my favorite things (most of the time!) about being a mom is the little chattering companion that is constantly beside me/behind me/directly in front of me when my arms are completely full. Dean's running dialogue makes me laugh sometimes as he creates such grown up phrases. Here are a few of my favorite.

"hings" - As in, "Momma, what are dose blue hings over dare?".

"ba-tween" - As in, "I'm gonna sit ba-tween you and daddy.".

"what you say?" - If he doesn't understand what I mean when I tell him something, he keeps repeating, "what you say?".

"ever" - This really means "never". As in, "I ever seen one of dose momma.".

"but we can try it" - If I say, no, you cannot have candy before dinner, his reply is "but we can try it!".

"D fir Dean!" - He can spot a D on any sign as we drive down the road.

"I heard a dog ruffing" - Dogs are a huge fascination.

And the ALL TIME BEST:
"I love you in whole world and to fin-na-nees" - This is what Dean tells us as he goes to bed or on the phone. He started saying this by repeating something John told him. The true meaning is, "I love you more than anything in the whole world and to infinity." It's priceless!


Dean,
You are such a joy. We love watching you grow and learn. Your precious grateful heart and sweet gentle spirit challenge us to be better parents. You are so quick to thank us for taking you places and giving you "hings". You don't hesitate to give us plenty of kisses and hugs. And you keep us smiling with your quick wit and happy attitude. We pray that you will take these traits with you your whole life and allow God to use them for His glory. We thank Him every day for giving you to us.
We love you in the whole world and to fin-na-nees.
Daddy & Momma

Just to keep you updated...I went to the Dr. today. He said that they will start monitoring me for signs of labor starting next week. I am going to have an ultrasound every other week and a test on the alternating weeks to see if my body is getting ready for labor. I have been getting a weekly progesterone shot since 16 weeks to hopefully prolong the pregnancy. I can't believe we are in the home stretch already...or at least it feels that way! Hopefully this little guy won't be showing up anytime soon. We need him to hang out for about 7 more weeks AT LEAST!

Our little guy is extremely active and kicks almost constantly it seems. We are looking forward to holding him!

I took this video of Dean in our driveway right before heading out on our beach adventure to Galveston. I thought he was pretty cute as he talked about what the beach would be like and what he would do when we got there. This was his first trip back to the Gulf since he was a baby. Around 00:30 on the video is what cracked me up.

-John-

It was so much fun watching Dean experience the beach. He is talking so good and it is really neat to carry on a conversation with him about what he is doing. He had a blast making a "dribble" castle (as he called it!) and then promptly knocking it over. He loved burying his feet and pretending that we were going to leave him stuck there. And he just couldn't wait to use his big "shauble" to dig in the dirt. He also made us laugh when we were downtown and he saw a horse drawn carriage. He said "I EVER seen one of dose momma!". (He substitues "ever" for "never" a lot!). His running commentary on everything he saw kept us laughing.

"What is all dis traffic...we are ever gonna be at da beach?"
"We need dat policeman to skooch dose cars out of our way."

"Is dis da beach?" No, this is the hotel.
"Is da beach at da hotel?" No, but it is close.
"Why are we at da hotel?" Oh yeah, you've never stayed at a hotel before. We sleep here and then drive to the beach.
"So...dis is is the hotel and den we go to da beach and dig in da sand." Yes

"Is dis da beach?" Yes
"Can I get out and dig with my big shauble?" Not right now.
"Why can we not get out of da car momma?" Because Daddy was trying to drive onto the beach like those other cars and now we are stuck in the sand. Pass Daddy your big shovel so he can dig the tires out.

One of his favorite things we did was go to the beach after dark and look for sand crabs with our flashlights. He chased those little "crabbies" all over the sand! He told us before we went that he was going to go out there and say, "hey crabbies, come over here!". His creativity is really amazing. We had a blast seeing the beach through his eyes and catching his excitement. It was a great family vacation. Our first!

John was furiously rummaging around the room and throwing things into our suitcases. I was propped up in the bed with the phone, trying to get a taxi lined up. Somehow, this is not how we imagined spending day 2 of our vacation in Mexico! The early morning darkness seemed to protect us from the reality of what was happening. Was this really just a dream? Before we knew it, we were in the hospital ER in Cancun, talking with the emergency room doctor (praise God he spoke english!) and trying to decide if I was in labor at 26 weeks.

A little while later, we met with the gynecologist. If you have ever seen a Mexican soap opera on TV as you flipped through channels, you probably caught a glimpse of this doctor. His hair was combed back and shiny so that you could see every perfect row that the comb's teeth left behind. John describes him as a Mexican George Clooney. He did not speak english so he brought a translator with him. It is a very humbling feeling to know that your treatment and the care of your unborn child is in the hands of someone you can't understand.

After 5 1/2 hours in the ER with people we couldn't understand and who didn't understand us, an ultrasound, an IV, a contraction monitor, blood tests, prescriptions written in spanish, my first ever suppository (yikes), and a charge to the credit card for $700, we were cleared. We took a taxi straight to the airport, starving and exhausted. And there we sat, on the cold tile floor, trying to catch a flight to American soil. We told the airline that it was a medical emergency, but the flights were completely full so the best they could do was put us on the top of the standby list. After five flights departed without a standby call, we spoke with my awesome Dr. at home and decided we would just stay put for the remainder of our vacation, drinking plenty of bottled water and relaxing.

Back at the hotel, we ordered room service, watched movies and floated in the pool that was right outside our room. That was more like the vacation we had planned. The rest still seems like a bad dream.

A couple of nights ago before bedtime, Dean got inspired to write his own song. It's mostly gibberish, but he hits one spectacular note near the end. It's pretty awesome so watch the whole thing. The shirt pulled over his head is a nice touch too. The boy is crazy.

-John-

Dean likes to stand on his "stage" (in front of the fire place) and perform his original songs (accompanied by his guitar) almost every day. Today he was singing at the top of his lungs. Most of the words were original as well but I caught a few lyrics that I understood. It went something like: "all right, all right, sushi and rice".

He still sings his favorite, "oh no...never let go..." (Matt Redmond) and has now added "glory to God foreverrrrrrrrr" (Fee) and "heaven come down" (Robbie Seay Band) to his repertoire. All of these are performed at a level of volume high enough so that the neighbors can enjoy the concert as well.

Dean has named his baby brother: Peanut Jelly Rolf

When you ask him about it, he giggles and squeals and says "his name will be Peanut Jelly and he will be messy!". I'm assuming he got this from a book we read about a little frog whose new little sister makes a big mess with jelly. Or maybe because we talked about the first sonogram picture looking like a little peanut? He keeps us on our toes for sure!

IT'S A BOY!!!

Thanks for all your votes. It is fun to see what people think it might be! We are so excited to have another boy. He is an active little booger and had a hard time staying still enough to get his picture taken. We can't wait to meet him in November. We would appreciate your prayers for this little guy to arrive safe and healthy. And pray for us as we try to decide on a name for him!

We find out Thursday if the baby is a BOY or a GIRL. What do you think it is?!

Hint: don't base your guess on the above picture because it totally came from the internet ;)

Here is what Dean prayed last night as we tucked him in bed.

"Tank you God fir dis day. Tank you fir momma n daddy n baby grow big strong. Dares a booger on my head."

I discovered that Dean can happily play in the backyard while I supervise from the air conditioned house. It has been a wonderful way for both of us to stay cool and happy!

We made a special trip to Granbury to visit Abby and see her new trampoline! She just turned three and Dean missed the party due to a freaky virus. We had a great time enjoying a day with the girls!

A picnic lunch!

Baby Sarah

Ring pops on the front porch. Sweet Abby was so kind to share her ring pops.

Jump, jump, jumping. I think we need one of these at our house!

John and I were out on a date for the first time in a LONG time! It felt strange being in the theater again for a movie. We are so used to watching them on dvd now. But what a treat to go out to the place we spent the majority of our time before Dean came along! Sitting still in the dark, I felt the familiar tap...tap...tap inside my tummy. And I instantly knew it was the baby kicking me! What fun to have that tiny reminder that I really am pregnant...because I forget sometimes (now that the "all-day" sickness has faded away!). Pretty soon those kicks will be keeping me up at night. Grow baby, grow!

15 weeks, 1 day

...literally. I don't know what possessed this kid, but he sure had fun digging in the flower bed and coating himself in his new found treasure.

Dean had his first school performance when his class sang two songs at the end of the year program. He was so cute. They had to sit on the stage to sing. He waved to us in the crowd and was super proud of his styled hair!

Dean just brought me his cup and said, "I need more burnin' stuff please.". He was referring to the Sprite I gave him for the first time! He makes me laugh.

"I bonked my head like a monkey." I had no idea what he was talking about until I remembered the five little monkeys jumping on the bed. He surprises me.

He gave John and hug today and said, "My daddy is a good daddy.". He makes me proud.

But my favorite thing is when he randomly runs up and hugs my leg and says, "I love you too.". He makes me melt.

Here is Dean's version of his favorite song...

"Oh NO, leh go me"
(Oh no, you never let go)

"Foo da calm, foo da sorm"
(Through the calm, through the storm)

"Oh NO, leh go me"
(Oh no, you never let go)

This is usually sung while he strums his guitar or loudly bangs on his drums. The other day he grabbed a jump rope at my workout class and sang it into the handle like it was a microphone. He's our little entertainer!

We went to Grapevine today to see Thomas the Train. What a treat for Dean! We met the Verlanders there and had a fun ride on a real train. He can't stop talking about it.


Showing off the tattoos that Aunt Melissa helped put on.

Dean's favorite trick to do with grapes.

I couldn't sleep any longer even though it was Saturday morning. My mind just wouldn't stop calculating dates and doing the math. So I got up, set my watch for three minutes, and waited. No peeking, just watching the seconds tick by. I hear the familiar thump, thump, thump of Dean coming down the stairs, hiney to step. I meet him at my bedroom door and we climb into bed with John. John is still in a sleepy stupor when he hears me whisper to Dean, "Tell Daddy you are going to be a big brother". Dean repeats, "I be bih brudder". John's eyes fly open and Dean and I jump when he says, "What?!". It is the first of about 10 consecutive "whats", each one full of more excitement and joy than the one before. Dean is giggling and laughing because we are too. He has no idea what that means and we don't really either but we are so happy and excited about what God has in store for us next.

Baby Rolf is due November 21, 2009!

The room was crowded with family. There was a buzz of conversation and laughter. A half eaten birthday cake for my great-aunt who turned 84 today was on the small table. And across the room, in a hospital bed was my Nanamaw. She looked beautiful with her white hair fixed perfectly and her flowered gown peeking out from under her covers. She smiled and talked with everyone around her but she kept it brief and looked very tired.

And then I did the hardest thing I have ever done. I went to her bedside and told her good-bye for the last time. I choked up but I got my words out somehow. I told her how much I loved her. She told me to only remember the good memories and to hold on to those. I told her I only had good memories and that is what I cherished most. I told her I was happy for her that she was going to a better place and to hug my Papaw for me. I told her that I was happy that I really wasn't saying goodbye and that I would see her again and to be waiting to hug me when I got there. She told me she was proud of Dean and what a good job I was doing raising him. I told her it was because I had such a good example of what a parent should be like. We hugged, I kissed her cheek and then I turned to say goodbye to the family, already missing her dearly.

I have learned so many things from that precious lady. And even as she sat in the bed, surrounded by people, she countinued to teach me how to be gracious, kind, and considerte. She was always positive. Always looked for the good in someone. Always ready to read me a book or scratch my back or make me feel important. She called people by name. Made you feel welcome in her home even if you just met. And could cook up a Christmas dinner like you wouldn't believe. She showed me how to fry okra, make peanut brittle in the microwave, and how to heat the oil in the skillet to make the cornbread crispy.

As I type this post, I am sitting alone in her living room. Her "corner" is empty but I am not. I am full of the lessons and the skills she has taught me. I am full. My heart is content that I had the chance to say what I needed, hear what I needed and hug one of the greatest ladies I have known one more time. I am deeply sad, but I am content.

This is the song that Nanamaw loved to sing to her great-grandkids.


I Washed My Hands This Morning
J. H. Rosecrans

I washed my hands this morning
O very clean and white
And lent them both to Jesus
To work for Him till night

Little feet, be careful
Where you take me to
Anything for Jesus
Only let me do

I told my ears to listen
Quite closely all day through
For any act of kindness
Such little hands can do

My eyes are set to watch them
About their work or play
To keep them out of mischief
For Jesus' sake all day

Our family got the sad news that my Nanamaw was ceasing her dialysis so we made a rushed trip to Lubbock to say good-bye. It was a very emotional trip but we were so thankful for the opportunity to share some final words. She was the most welcoming person I know. Dean loved going to her house and visiting with her. She sang him a song called, "I Washed My Hands This Morning". She made him his special yellow blankies, a big one and a "baby" one! She taught me how to always look for the good in people. She was amazing and will be dearly missed.


Nanamaw's oldest son, my dad (Papa D) and four of Nanamaw's eight great-grandkids. They are sitting in her chair in her living room.


Nanamaw (very swollen from not having dialysis), me and my three sisters




The great-grandkids picking up pecans in the backyard. Nanamaw took good care of her pecan trees and always had tons of pecans.



The road trip to Lubbock. We are eating at Pete's burger place in Lubbock on the way in to town.

Well, we decided to try it. Call us naive, first time parents, but we set aside a weekend and just went for it. The first day was tragic. I have never been so discouraged and I have never spent so much time in a bathroom! I felt like I was ready to just give up, but by the end of the day, Dean was recognizing when he needed to go and running for the bathroom. Day 2 was much better! Only a couple accidents. It had sunk in and he was excited about getting treats for keeping his new Elmo or Thomas the train undies dry! We are proud of this little two year old for learning how to use the bathroom like a big boy SO FAST!